angryfistofgod | for shits an giggles

[Like this isn't painful either. So Ace just numbly nods to the bartender and follows Smoker along quietly. Smoker can keep ignoring him, but Ace isn't going away until Smoker tells him to, makes him, or talks to him.]

[ He won't. He's just going to let him stay, let him stew and let him think about what he would do. If he stays for another few days, he gets the same treatment, but there is always food left for him at meal times, usually his favourite, though if it's Smoker's doing, no one would really know. Smoker doesn't even seem to sleep in his bed. He ended up sleeping in his office chair or on his couch.

But on the forth day, Ace would end up with a set of lips on his forehead and Smoker crawling into bed with him. ]

[Mewls and throws his arms around Smoker and clings. Ace has been sleeping on the floor in self-punishment because he refuses that kind of "selfishness" of beds.]

I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me. ["I don't want to be me." But he can't say that out loud because it's too self-pitying and he doesn't want Smoker to pity him. He wants Smoker to be mad at him. To hate him. And yet fix it in a way that simply cannot be.]

[ Smoker just doesn't say anything and covers Ace's mouth with a hand. He's not happy, but this is warm and he does miss this. He just doesn't want to hear the apologies again. Pretty words were just pretty words, he should know better from experience, but should and does are two extremely different things.

So he kisses him, hard, rough, like he had before the extreme emotional connection. Because this was easier, he won't expect better from Ace because Ace doesn't expect it from himself. ]

[Grunts and growls, flushing, and heating up and kisses Smoker back hard. Passion and heat and just trying to express everything. Every damn emotion, every want, every ounce of excitement, adrenaline, anger, frustration, desire, lust, sadness, self-loathing, and admiration for Smoker all into that one damn kiss.]

[ Smoker needs to pull away because fuck, that was a bit overwhelming. He's swallowing and he gets it. Ace is dumb, he just wants validation and someone to say 'you're doing good' or something. He's not sure anymore and he's not sure if he wants to keep fucking doing this with him. Except he does and he's just sick of being the last to know on everything. ]

Idiot. [ settles for that and tugs him in for a hug. ] For the record? I'm still pissed.

I know.

And for the record, I only slept with him the once and you already took it out on me.

Smoker something has to change between you and me. I don't know what. I don't know how. But this is pretty bad for us both, isn't it?

Mmn. [ Nods and rubs his nose, starts pulling away, because this is just going to be taxing. ] What do you purpose?

[Shakes his head and sits down on the floor with his arms around his legs.] I don't know.

I hate feeling divided between four different worlds, Taisa. My father, my brother, you and Jii-jii, and the dead. Maybe I'm not adult enough for this after all. But you're the only one I feel like I can be all of me around and that's confusing. I shouldn't, you know? We should be enemies and I should just keep you away from the rest of my life and worlds and that should just be it. And I know it's even harder on you as a marine and that's no good either.

Everyone worries I'm the one who'll be hurt, but I'm the one always hurting you. Maybe it's preemptive. I don't even know.

Annoying. [ just going to grab his cigars and light them up and listen to Ace. Wants to lightly kick him in the head, but also giving Ace what he wants. He's just going to stop snorting. ]

You choose, I know what I'd choose, but you do it. [ Smoker is more elegantly saying, 'follow your justice'. ]

[Run away. He wants to run away, but he doesn't run away. That isn't how he is.]

And if I don't? If I just choose not to choose? You want to know my justice? It's right here. On the floor. And that makes me miserable. Maybe I'm just incapable of being happy. So I'll spread misery where I go. Turn everything into ash and desert. [Scowl.]

[ Rolls eyes and just shakes his head and lays back on his bed. ] Fine. You just know that you're not going to come out of this stronger if you don't stop running away.

[Climbs on top of the bed and Smoker and punches his shoulder.]

If I was running away I'd literally be out the door fucker.

More way than one to run away, Blacksheep. [ settles his hand on Ace's neck and lightly strokes at the back of his neck. he doesn't mean to look fond, he was aiming more for sad, but he's more fondly sad. ]

[Lays down on his chest next to him and snuggles close.] I don't want you to feel like home. I want the Moby Dick to feel like home. Do I just accept that this is the way it is?

for shits an giggles

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