angryfistofgod | Locked to WhiteHunter // Prolly not Mags-safe? IDK

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Locked to WhiteHunter // Prolly not Mags-safe? IDK

So on a scale of 1 to 100, Ace fucked up on an imaginary plane. Yeah.

He trotted along to hunt Smoker down. Stupid fucking arrogant marine. So he'd never hunt Ace down, but Ace always had to find him? He didn't get it. Sometimes that was lonely. What was the point in dating the best hunter in the world if it didn't go both ways? He wanted to sit on a roof and think but he had a feeling Smoker wouldn't come find him. Hell, if it was reversed would Ace go find Smoker...?

Actually. Yes.

But still, that wasn't the point. Smoker wouldn't and they were different people.

"Think like Smoker, think like Smoker," he muttered to himself and walked to the nearest bar. Unless he missed his guess, Smoker was going to drink, pick up a girl, and do everything he could to forget why he bothered spending any amount of time on a stupid freckled fire brat in the first place.

Ace's heart was in a vise. The stronger it pumped, the more it seemed like it was going to get squeezed. A cage or a pair of seastone cuffs wrapped tightly around it. It still beat, but it hurt more than he knew it could.

He saw a man smoking with Smoker's hair color from behind and froze. Whatever he wanted to say wouldn't be enough. Whatever he could do to make up for it... wouldn't be enough. Was he always just kidding himself? Pretending he could be someone who could just be around one person to be happy. Ace was never happy.

He grabbed a seat on the barstool next to the man, calmly ordered a drink and kept his hat low. He spoke up, only barely caring if Smoker heard, forgave him, or left all over again. "Have you ever been so lonely, that sometimes all you can hear is a question about whether you even should have been born?"

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Smoker felt sympathetic to Ace's plight. He had a lot to say to everything about his mini-rant, but now wasn't the time. Not when he began heating up and visibly looked like he was about to explode if Smoker didn't do something. So, he lightly shoved Ace backwards into the water and stared at him, making him surface with a light tug of his hand.

"Everyone has their secrets to keep, Portgas," he growled quietly, though he instead lightly pet through the wet black hair, tugging lightly closer to the scalp. "And our lives aren't separate, brat. They're singular, twisting and turning around each other, sometimes they stray away, but they're still ours." He ruffled the others hair lightly and kissed his forehead.

"Yeah, you'll hurt me and I'll hurt you, you can't keep trapiezing through life like you can't hurt someone. You'll hurt everyone that way." He watched the brown eyed brat and sighed, closing his own, he counted. "I don't like following anyones way but my own, Portgas. You? Need to follow your own justice, stop worrying about hurting me. I'm still angry, yeah, but that's because you're a stupid bastard sometimes." He ground down on the cigars. "Chu."

"Chu..." Ace muttered and blew a kiss up to the other man.

"My own justice huh?" Right now, he wasn't sure what that was. Everything seemed to be all over the place, like walls of flame, flickering in all the directions and Ace was trying to keep it from spreading in the wind. "Do you still trust my justice?"

"Yes." Smoker didn't even miss a beat, eyes focused down on Ace. He offered the other a hand and kept his eyebrow perked high. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Because I'm not even sure what my own justice is. I didn't think gay chicken would be a problem, but then you got hurt and I don't want that," Ace stayed seated in the water though he put his arms around Smoker's leg.

"You do know what it is, it's just muddled because you're trying to do to many things at once." He kept the hand in Ace's hair, petting him lightly. "You can stand up, brat," he pointed out with a soft snort, rolling his eyes at the brat.

Ace stood up and gave Smoker's midsection a very wet hug. "I hate it," he growled, "I hate being the black sheep. I just want to fit in with my family. I can't, so I just try to embrace who I am, but maybe I don't know what that is. Why the fuck do you still love me?" He lightly bit Smoker's chest mostly because he needed to bite him somehow and the chest was there.

Smoker just continued to roll his eyes and lightly pet Ace's hair. He could whine and whimper and pretend he was a black sheep, but that was good. He didn't love someone who just fit in with everyone, he wanted someone who was rough around the edges and just did the best he could. Ace did all of that and more.

"Because I know where you fit."

"Oh," Ace mumbled and just hugged Smoker hard. Where he belonged was it? It was always so easy for the marine sometimes and Ace almost envied that, but mostly right now, he appreciated it in every way possible. "You really think I belong with you?" he mumbled, slowly letting his thoughts sort themselves out. "Yours?" it was a tentative question.

He was self destructive and it seemed like everyone else got caught up in that, but Smoker was still impervious, and Ace really needed that in his life.

"Would I be standing here if I didn't?" Smoker frowned and wrapped his arm around Ace, the hand on his head sliding to cup the back of it. "Yes, mine. Why else would I be pissed that I caught you kissing Roronoa, Blacksheep? Do you think that you don't matter to me? Stupid."

"Yeah. Yeah I did," he kisses Smoker hard on the side of the mouth lacking cigars and does his best to lean his forehead up to Smoker's. "I don't deserve to matter to you." Ace shifted in his stupid soaked shorts and hugged around Smoker's neck. "Take me home. I don't know where that is, but you do. Take me home and punish me, teach me a lesson, however you want. I just like being yours." He nibbled Smoker's neck.

"I'm probably just going to go to bed." He huffed, though let Ace hug him over and over again. Ace was so needy some times, such a bottle rocket. He did smirk a bit, carrying Ace back to shore and putting the ridiculous orange cowboy hat on his head as he shook his coat out from the sand and handed it to Ace.

Ace cheerfully put the coat on his own shoulders and snuggled into Smoker's neck. "Mind if I stay with you?"

"Considering you have my jacket on, what do you think the answer is?" Smoker was so amused and attempted to get his boots on with one hand.

"Good," Ace growled and latched himself onto Smoker's ears so he could bite and suck on them. "Does that make you home?" he squirmed about trying to find a comfortable way to drape all over Smoker even more. Clearly he didn't care that much about helping Smoker get his shoes back on. Oops.

Making a frustrated noise, Smoker huffed, his hands pausing in trying to tie his boots to gain a tiny bit of a tremble to them. "Yes," he muttered, nudging Ace with a nose before giving a soft warning growl of, "Portgas, watch it." He didn't actually mind too much, he knew, though he needed his hands steady and the slow burn of arousal sparked by the overly hot mouth on his ear was unwanted.

"I am," Ace pouted and sucked on Smoker's ears more. "I'm watching very very carefully," he grumbled, and didn't stop in the least. Clearly he and Smoker were talking about two very different things.

Growling more, Smoker removed his hands from his boot and whacked Ace lightly over the head. "Brat! Ears!" He bristled like a lion, eyes narrowed on the top of his idiots head. "Blacksheep, I swear," he groaned afterwards, though definitely not how Ace probably wanted him too. Lightly poking his forehead and bending down to quickly get his boots on before Ace could assault his ears again. It was bad enough how hard his hands were shaking. "You have two settings, three if you count Sleeping."

Ace mewled a whimper and rubbed the top of his head, more from being pushed away from getting to continue abusing the marine's ears than out of any amount of pain. He huffed irritably, but the shaking hands certainly didn't go unnoticed, "Yeah? What are they? Hungry, Trouble, and Asleep? Because I'm still the first two while I'm sleeping. For the record."

Ace squirmed about again and tried to deal with the soaking shorts. Seriously. Not comfy.

"I forgot hungry," Smoker replied rolling his eyes at the huffy firebrat. "Angsty, Sex-Starved and Asleep actually." The smirk Smoker wore was nothing short of shit eating, as he finished putting on his boots and rolled down his jeans. "Sometimes you're all four and that's a pity, rarely you show a fifth state to other people, but I don't think you even believe it exists most of the time. I see it more often than most and your," he snorts, "brothers see it more than I. It's Happy, by the way."

"I don't angst," Ace scowled at the implication and tackled Smoker again, this time half out of a fit of feistyness, and less out of a desire just to cling to the marine. "And Sex-Starved is just both a different type of Hungry and Trouble. But I don't know about the happy. Maybe. But I'm always a black sheep. Here with you, or there with them." He belonged between worlds and sometimes that meant that he belonged to none of them at all.

"Blacksheep." Smoker sighed with a forlorn expression, catching Ace too easily and bracing himself against going crashing to the ground. "Wrap." He expected the fire logia to know what he meant as he spit spent cigars onto the sand and crushed them out with his boot. His big gloved hands moved to pluck two cigars out of the jacket's pockets and a mango sweet that he put on the other side of the new cigars, in offering for the annoyance clinging to him.

"And so we're clear? You're very angsty. Sex-Starved is not a mixture of trouble and hungry, as you're not trouble, just annoying." He rolled grey eyes this time, fixing him with a look. Though he did seem to pause and think for a moment. "Are you planning on kissing Roronoa again, Portgas?"

Ace happily took the mango candy, almost as if just to prove that the sex-starvation was just an aspect of regular starvation after all and planted a kiss on Smoker's lips as he stole the candy, sucking cheerfully. His expression dampened slightly, though he did indeed, wrap himself around the smoke logia user, and simply held on there. "I don't plan these things in the first place," Ace frowned. Maybe that was the problem. Not thinking things through. He kind of lived too much in the moment, and he wasn't really sure how to stop it.

"But I won't if it bothers you," his heart ached again. He didn't know what to tell Smoker and nothing could make it right. What was he supposed to say? Or do? "Don't... I'll always..." Ace started up a few times and shook his head, simply buried his face in Smoker's neck and tried to think. "I get caught up in the moment and it's worse when I'm alone." He slid off Smoker's back and sunk into the sand with his arms around his legs. "You shouldn't trust me," he pulled the hat low over his head, shrouding himself in darkness and blocking out the sun.

Okay Smoker was right, he was being angsty. Meh.

Smoker had been about to kiss him back when the idiot slid off of his back into a puddle of sad. The freckles were sad, they weren't allowed to be sad. It wasn't allowed because it actually hurt when the freckles were sad. He didn't turn, instead pressed the heel of his palm to his temple and began rubbing, closing his eyes as he counted backwards from twenty slowly, matching his breathing to the circuits of the rubbing. He needed to thank Tashigi for that.

"Would I still be here if I wasn't willing to try, Portgas?" He was pretty sure he deserved a medal for not swearing colorfully at him. He bet the angry words lingering just under the surface would do more than rip everything apart. They weren't needed. Ace was forgiven, but it was still there. It festered like an open cut, puss leaking and blood pouring and it wasn't healing. Maybe it was finally settling just what he saw.

He didn't hate Ace, he forgave Ace, but it just wouldn't... "I don't get what you want from me." Not a question, not rhetorical, hell, he doubted waxing rhetoric would do nothing for him here, that it was lost on the idiot drowning in a pool of his own self loathing. "I don't know what you're expecting me to do, do you want me to tear a strip off of you? Do you want me to be angry? Portgas, you're a grown man, you're not a black sheep, I told you where you fit, you have that. But here you are a goddamned pile of sad freckles." He felt the anger, the fierceness of his words drain from him, as if saying them made it go away as he crouched down to lightly thumb at his jaw. His look wasn't pity, just sullen acceptance that Ace was on his low point. "I don't like sad freckles."

Ace took off his hat again and sullenly did his best not to look sad. He bit Smoker's thumb and held it between his teeth. "I'm not sad," he insisted, though he wasn't sure how believable it sounded. What did he want? What did he want. He didn't even know anymore. Except he did. "Hug me," he decided and leaned against the marine, though his own arms were still wrapped around his own legs. It was kind of more like half topping over sideways.

"I told you. I want you. But I don't want to be alone. If I belong with you, and this is home, then what do I do when I can't find home. You told me I have to be the one to come to you and I do, but it gets lonely. If you don't want me to share all my life with you, you can't get mad at me when there's parts of me you can't have. I don't want it that way, but I'd rather it was that than I was alone," Ace sighed and closed his eyes. "I like having fun, I like teasing, I like playing around, I like flirting. I like it best with you and only you and I don't like that is that way, but I accept it. I don't know what to do about it though. I don't know what I want to do about it. I don't even know how to feel about it. Or how I want to feel about it. Maybe just numb."

The freckles just got sadder. Smoker rubbed his forehead and then inched his fingers back to his temple to press and rub again, while he gave him an one armed hug. "Portgas," he started, murmuring against his forehead, "I'm a marine. You're a pirate. You won't change me and I won't change you. I'm not letting you force me to try and choose." He felt like that was where it was going, that Ace finally decided to try and choose between the two.

"Your home is with me, you can just view everything else as a visit somewhere until you're coming home, I don't know." Gritting his teeth, he finally scooped up Ace, leaning him back towards his chest. Why was he the one picking up the pieces of Ace when Ace was the one who fucked up? Love, ah, cruel mistress, akin to the sea.

"Follow your justice, Portgas, you know what you need to do, but you just won't let yourself see it."

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