2] I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
3] Pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. Overkill is nothing but a word. There will be blood.
4] I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it.
5] I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
1: It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
2: YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
3: I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
4: your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So, how hard did he hit you on the head this time? Better yet, do I need to make an appointment to have an MRI done to assess the full extent of the damage? I'm doing that now. No need to thank me. You can, though.
[1] I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
[2] At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
[3] Well, it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
[4] This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue. This is a 'negotiation'.
[5] Yeah, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
[6] First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
[7] Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
II. Do not be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
III. The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
IV. I am high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thank you.
V. I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
VI. I woke up to a break up text for a relationship I did not even know I was in. This will be an interesting year.
1. I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidentally talked my way into a threesome.
2. I have to cancel. My son's dad is out of jail unexpectedly and I'm kind of an emotional wreck. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
3. You can have your box of condoms back. They're too small for my new boyfriend.
4. I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
5. He's cute... not in a I-want-to-rip-his-clothes-off way, more of a put-him-in-my-pocket-and-keep-him-as-a-pet. And occasionally lick whipped cream off his abs.
6. Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent.
II. ...can you turn on the gps locator on my phone? i just woke up in a schoolgirl uniform and I have no idea where I am.
III. i just woke up covered in blood, i have cuts all over my body, i can't find my clothes from last night, i'm still drunk, and i have no recollection of what led to any of this. please explain.
IV. pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed here. overkill is nothing but a word.
V. i never thought i would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
1. Next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just unfair.
2. What would you say if I was bleeding profusely, close to you, and needed a place to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself, right now?
3. Once you started yelling at me in Italian, I really wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore.
4. Only around you do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though. The fight, not the board game.
5. You said I should come with disclaimers that read "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it" and "WARNING: picks fights when bored".
1) You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
2) Why is everyone judging me for telling the dog a bedtime story?
3) did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
4) I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
5) I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
1. Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
2. Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice.
3. So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
4. Fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
5. I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
1. Why is Mr. Satan's dog on my roof? And why is it wearing my pants?
2. Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my best friend, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place.
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded.
Please don't tell my mom.
3. there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
4. I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
5. Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
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angryfistofgod2015-08-30 06:16 pm
Chiang Suishi | OC
2] I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
3] Pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. Overkill is nothing but a word. There will be blood.
4] I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it.
5] I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
6] The dysfunction is strong in this one.
7] Text her!
3.
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4. i'm so sorry
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and here i thought it was going to get funny. nope!
Fukuwa Onyomi | OC
2: YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
3: I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
4: your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
5: TEXT HIM
2.
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Superbia Squalo // KHR!
2. At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
3. and then he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
4. moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
5. who the fuck has been using my credit card to order tentacle porn. they're sending that shit to my work mail.
6. TEXT HIM
5; omf i love you
8D
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Erin Doyle | OC
I was so drnuk last nihgt dude. I woke up this mnroing to my ovn bineg wide opn adn my pntas on th kctihen folor.
b.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
c.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
C. You brought this on yourself
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B.
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TYL Superbi Squalo | KHR
b: I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
c: I am naked and annoyed.
d: I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
e: text him
C
[Yup, that's his priority in all this.]
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B
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a+c
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c
not done
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B. i am so sorry
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Xanxus | KHR
ii;; I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
iii;; No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
iv;; This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
v;; I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
xx;; text him~?
3 - couldn't resist
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xx
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i.[p. aria]
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3&5 - because you said tyl!xan for this brat, this is what you get. i'm not sorry.
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2--- I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working in the mafia
3--- I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while texting... hahaha
4--- I wish I could punch you in the face.
5--- I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
5 o/
[Unless Dino doesn't have a dick, in which case oops and ouch.
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1 -- And of IDK
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and done
i lied -- done now
1/???
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i just noticed this one didn't go through
2.
Xanxus | KHR!
[II.] I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
[III.] I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
[IV.] Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
3+4
what happened this time
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IV
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III. yolo
beautiful
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TYL Yamamoto Takeshi | KHR!
[II.] You got into a really intense argument about protecting bees. it was weirdly arousing.
[III.] For both our sakes, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex.
[IV.] Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar.
3
it went great
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Yamaru Arashi || Original
2} Why is everyone judging me for telling the pussy cat a bedtime story?
3} how much do I hate his cat? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
4} Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
5} I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
6} If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
7} Text him.
3+5
.... VOI. WELCOME TO MY FUCKING WORLD.
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Valeria [Knife] | Before Crisis: Final Fantasy VII
[2] At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
[3] Well, it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
[4] This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue. This is a 'negotiation'.
[5] Yeah, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
[6] First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
[7] Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
[8] Text her!
1
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1/2
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Beatix Argent | Original
II. Do not be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
III. The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
IV. I am high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thank you.
V. I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
VI. I woke up to a break up text for a relationship I did not even know I was in. This will be an interesting year.
VII. Text her.
IV
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2
zuraaaaaaaaa
it's not zura it's katsura
but that is what i said.......
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Cecil Harvey ☾ Final Fantasy IV (AU)
2. I have to cancel. My son's dad is out of jail unexpectedly and I'm kind of an emotional wreck. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
3. You can have your box of condoms back. They're too small for my new boyfriend.
4. I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
5. He's cute... not in a I-want-to-rip-his-clothes-off way, more of a put-him-in-my-pocket-and-keep-him-as-a-pet. And occasionally lick whipped cream off his abs.
6. Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent.
7. Text her!!
5 - mistext? drunk text? who knows.
[There's definitely an edge of oh god why are you texting me about this.]
Probably a little drunk, yes. Among other things. C:0
probably a trainwreck
ONLY A TRAINWRECK IF IT ENDS BADLY.
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5. i am so, so, so sorry for this
lmao I laughed so much. What an adorable Knife.
I'm glad you like her! She's a longtime favorite and your Cecil is just darling ok uvu
Aww, thank you! <3 This reminds me I have a Cissnei I should toss your way.
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Aria Hayashi [Knife] | Before Crisis:Final Fantasy (AU)
2) So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
3) Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
4) Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night...
5) You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
6) Text her.
3
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Samantha Marlowe | Original
2. That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
3. You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
4. I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
5. When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
6. Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
7. So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
8. Text her.
6
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Hibari Kyoya TYL | KHR | Mistexts Galore
I. how did you set a salad on fire????????
II. ...can you turn on the gps locator on my phone? i just woke up in a schoolgirl uniform and I have no idea where I am.
III. i just woke up covered in blood, i have cuts all over my body, i can't find my clothes from last night, i'm still drunk, and i have no recollection of what led to any of this. please explain.
IV. pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed here. overkill is nothing but a word.
V. i never thought i would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
[Or text him.]
III.
omg he hates his life rn
This is what happens when you hang with Varia
terrible decisions everywhere
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Hibari Kyoya Genderbend | KHR
1. Next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just unfair.
2. What would you say if I was bleeding profusely, close to you, and needed a place to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself, right now?
3. Once you started yelling at me in Italian, I really wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore.
4. Only around you do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though. The fight, not the board game.
5. You said I should come with disclaimers that read "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it" and "WARNING: picks fights when bored".
6. Or text her!
1
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Yamamoto Takeshi - KHR
2) Why is everyone judging me for telling the dog a bedtime story?
3) did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
4) I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
5) I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
6) text him
2
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Re: 1
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Ienzo | Kingdom Hearts 3D
2. You asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents last night.
3. I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
4. I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips.
5. Text him!
3.
This is a binding agreement. Got it?
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1.
Rokudo Mukuro | KHR! | This is why he's not allowed alcohol
2. Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice.
3. So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
4. Fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
5. I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
6. Text him! (why would you?)
6
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2.
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1
5. i don't even know what's happening anymore
TYL!Fran | KHR!
2. The cops were surprisingly chill about you were hanging from a tree with no pants on.
3. I was just given a safe word. It's going to be an interesting night.
4. Just laying in bed with my vibrator, eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
5. Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning, it's only one question: Have you seen Bel since 1am?
6. Text him!
1 o/
Did you get pictures for blackmail?
[Not that it probably matters since when do any of the Varia know shame, but still.]
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Goten | DBZ
2. Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my best friend, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place.
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded.
Please don't tell my mom.
3. there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
4. I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
5. Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
6. Text him!
2
Who did you make out with? Cause it wasn't me. I was the one you ditched, asshole.
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Trunks Briefs | Dragon Ball
2 From now on, when someone sends me a dick picture, I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
3 It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest
4 I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick.
5 Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
6 text him!