Khadgar (
4896apexiscrystals) wrote in
angryfistofgod2016-09-20 12:06 am
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Entry tags:
- canon: warcraft (2016),
- canon: world of warcraft,
- character: anduin wrynn,
- character: archmage khadgar,
- character: archmage khadgar [darkverse],
- character: archmage khadgar [modern au],
- character: archmage khadgar [worgen au],
- character: colton vayne,
- character: khadgar [movie],
- character: liam greymane,
- character: llane wrynn,
- character: sylvanas windrunner,
- character: thrall,
- character: tonidina "toni" branwen,
- meme: open post,
- mun: apple,
- open,
- psl
no subject
The thoughts of turning to Fel left him and he deflated slightly. It would not be right to taint that staff with it again and it seemed that it didn't even matter if he hid the staff away, it always found it's way back to him.
“I left Atiesh behind for a reason,” he instead chose to comment on first, thinking that was more important to say. He did not want to think about the biting and true comments that Jaina had thrown at him, this is what he deserved for trusting the Horde to play nice, his fault that Anduin Wrynn joined his father far earlier than he should have and what would Medivh think of him now. “I didn't want to take it with me.” His words were a little hollow and only half true, it was partially that he didn't even want to look at the staff. The reminder of the previous owner of the staff was a little too much for him.
Of course, he didn't think he really got a choice in it always being drawn back to him.
Khadgar watched Genn pluck the bird, not knowing if he should comment more upon the reasoning he had left without his once constant companion or finally address why he left. If he should assure the other that no, his anger had been justified and not what drove him away. Maybe he should instead tell him another half truth and say it wasn't just words that made him leave.
He chose the truth instead, holding himself still though he had the urge to reach out and make sure he wasn't hallucinating Greymane being there. He pulled the cloaked greatstaff down, straightening his legs out enough to gently rest it across them.
“Hers,” the words were soft, but he was not shying away from it anymore, “yours were justified in the moment, though I have to admit I am surprised you're here. Why? Are you here, I mean?”
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He'd just carry the mess out once he had the bird cleaned and ready. He would need to find a stick to spit the bird on anyway.
"She had no right to say those things to you." He replied, for the moment skirting around the questions he'd been asked. He needed time to figure out how to put his reasons for being here into words to be shared. Though before he did that he needed to finish figuring out just what his reasons had been beyond assuring himself that Khadgar hadn't gone off and gotten himself killed out of grief and guilt. Perhaps he wanted to assuage his own guilt for his own words. "I spoke out of misplaced anger and grief back then, the object of my rage being unobtainable, I turned my fury on you instead and for that...I--I apologize."
He gathered up the mess of feathered skin and innards and made his way out of the cave while he left the archmage to mull that over. Disposing of the mess and finding a worthy spit would help give him the needed time to figure out how to actually answer the questions asked of him as well. Though it was possible he had desired a chance to apologize for his actions and had feared that those actions and words would be responsible for the other man's flight. The thought of finding him dead somewhere without knowing if he were in part responsible had at times haunted him as he'd searched for him.
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However, it was not lost on him that Genn avoided telling him why he was there and it also wasn't surprising. Not like the apology was, at least and once again he quelled the urge to reach out to attempt to soothe the Worgen. He didn't move, still slightly unsure on if the man in front of him was an hallucination or if not one, would accept it and instead tightened his grip on Atiesh, using the grip on the wood to steady himself enough to think of what else he could say to the other.
“You had lost your wife and daughter, it was to be expected,” Khadgar chose to say instead, eyes shutting and head thumping back against the stone, “you do not need to apologize for your grief. I would have blamed me as well in your position.”
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"You look as if you need that more than I." He said as he moved to settle to Khadgar's left, using his body to block any possible wind that might find its way inside. He'd noticed the state the other man was in better upon his return. "...as for why I'm here...I'm here for you."
It had been Crowley who'd made him realize he could still have someone who needed him, beyond what remained of his people. Who'd made him realize that if they were going to have any real chance of keeping what remained of the fragile peace from completely shattering into something ugly, that the world needed its Guardian. That he needed that same man perhaps just as much as the lost archmage might need him.
"I'm here because...what needs to be done, can't be done by one man alone. Especially a man with horrible habits when it comes to taking care of himself. I was getting rather worried I'd end up finding you dead or near death in a cave you know."
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He was there for him? Khadgar turned his head and looked openly boggled at the Worgen, with his head tilted owlishly, confused by what he had heard. Why would he be there for him? It abated when Genn gave him a more logical excuse as to why he was there. He was there to get him and return him to civilization, to help keep the peace that the Archmage didn't know if he even wanted to keep. Light knew he didn't feel worthy of being called the Guardian anymore, let alone act as it.
But things never truly went the way he wanted and more than once he was forced into a situation that he had no choice but to be what everyone expected of him. Perhaps that was the other part of the reason why he fled; to grieve, to be alone with his thoughts and the voice that always sounded like Medivh telling him it was his fault and also to be without expectations. Undoubtedly he would have not felt like he would be able to grieve if he had remained in Dalaran after the funeral, perhaps he would have broken much harder than he had in the first few nights in the cave. More than likely, he would not be able to recover from such a break in a place where people needed him.
Genn still wanted to take him back and he wanted to say something biting about it, but instead nodded his head and tugged the jacket closer around him, tucking his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them all over again.
“My habits are fine,” he groused, glaring briefly at the King and then rolling his eyes at the suggestion that he would have let himself die in such a place. “Not here, no. Perhaps another time.”
Well, he hoped that annoyed him.
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"I'm not going to let you throw away your life so easily." He could understand easily enough why Khadgar had hidden himself away and didn't want to be found or dragged home. But hiding away didn't actually solve anything. It was merely a bandage upon a wound. He meant to hopefully provide the Archmage with the same support he'd gained from Crowley, and perhaps they could work toward healing the wounds inflicted upon them and also Azeroth.
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"I was not starving myself," Khadgar grumbled at the rolling of those golden eyes. He found himself almost missing the blue eyes instead of th inhuman ones that came with the other's wolf-like form. He could only imagine the reason why he hadn't switched back and really, Khadgar doubted he would be able to change from it himself if he were cursed with the same damn thing.
"I'm not throwing my life away either," he began, voice a little sharper than intended, "if I had been going to throw it away I wouldn't have hidden myself away and instead stormed Undercity alone and let someone kill me after doing away with..." He couldn't even bring himself to say her name. Instead he snorted his disgust and burrowed himself more into the coat that did more than chase the cold away.
It was comforting and it was because, he wouldn't allow himself to lean against the white worgen next to him. This was the next best thing in his mind and really, it was only slightly less warm than him too.
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Genn pulled himself to his feet and moved toward the fire to check on the bird, fussing with it a moment to give him something to do as he replied to that last. "I thought about doing that. Sneaking in to cut the head of the serpent off, Crowley would do far better than I in leading what little remains of our people I thought."
He turned away from the bird to face Khadgar, leather-clad furred form back lit by the fire. "Crowley reminded me that there was still someone that needed me. So I went to find them."
Because he'd realized he'd needed that purpose, needed to focus on something beyond his failures. Once he'd managed to pull Khadgar out of his own personal funk he was in due to no doubt his own grief and feeling of failure, they would be a force to be reckoned with. They'd mete out justice and then hopefully keep the factions on Azeroth from tearing the world apart. Perhaps in doing so they could eventually forgive themselves for their mistakes and failures that had brought them to this.
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It didn't surprise him when Greymane admitted that he had almost done exactly what Khadgar had stopped himself from doing. It was something that he could honestly say he could see him doing exactly that. It had crossed his mind while he had sat in that cave or went gathering herbs for his ink, that if and when he returned to Azeroth that he would find the king of Gilneas dead and needed to take revenge for one more person against the banshee.
A smile had the corners of his lips lifting and he raised a brow at the other. "I could see you storming that hellish place for much less." Well, it wasn't a lie.
He would've said more, but his companion finally told him the full truth on why he was there. And honestly, he had not expected that to be the reason. The King had come because he needed him. Something about that made him suck in a sharp breath and had him unfolding his knees so he could shift enough to reach out and tug the wolf towards him.
Khadgar would not deny that he could be incredibly selfish in certain moments, though he had always hoped that by his diligent self denial in other places - most of then really, would balance it out. But he wanted the white wolf to come easily so he could burrow against him, despite realizing that he probably smelt horrible.
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When Khadgar's hand moved to tug him closer via his arm, he let himself follow it, settling down once again to the archmage's left. "The bird should be done soon. Given how little you've no doubt been eating, there should be enough for two meals out of it."
The comments might have sounded a bit inane, but he suspected that such mundane talk would for the moment be more welcome than more serious and weighty conversation. Talk about the future and what needed to be done could come once he'd seen to Khadgar's needs.
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Yes, perfect, he thought finally burrowing exactly how he had wanted to initially. He rested his face against the other's chest and took in slow deep breaths. The warmth the male radiated had him sighing his pleasure. It almost felt like forgiveness in a way and he supposed it was Genn he needed it from. The only one who could actually give it to him in any case.
Khadgar fisted his hand in white fur and realized belatedly that he was actually shaking more than he had been simply from the cold. His eyes squeezed shut only tighter and took in a deep, quivering breath. He had thought he was over that, the wet eyes, anger mixing in the pit of his stomach with sorrow and regret and making his whole being want to lash out at that woman.
He would give her death to Genn, he decided that a few weeks prior. He deserved that much against the Banshee who took everything she could and always walked away laughing. No, Khadgar wanted to make her feel fear, look over her shoulder and realize she was cornered. There would be no way out for her. Undercity would burn. His vengeance would not be swift, but it would be be brutal.
The Archmage couldn't trust his own voice right in that moment, knowing it would tremble. Medivh would be so ashamed of him. He nuzzled the chest he pressed himself against, using that solid warmth to drive the voice that sounded like Medivh out of his head and center himself.
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The arm rubbed gently against Khadgar's back as he felt him shake, and he quietly wondered if like him, the reality of what had come about was still too hard to properly face. Had he allowed himself to actually grieve or had he pent it all up inside?
He let the silence reign for now as he sat there holding the archmage, letting his other senses keep track of the bird over the fire. Thus it was the smell that let him know when the bird was ready to come off its spit.
"The bird is done." He commented as he pulled his arm back and attempted to detach himself from the other man in order to rise and tend to it.
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Though, it seemed he would be losing that as he heard Genn comment that the food was done. Almost, he wanted to tell him to let it burn and refuse to move from where he had settled. Instead, Khadgar nodded numbly and began separating himself from the furred chest he had been so pleased to be curled against a bit before.
Keeping his eyes shut as he shifted to his previous spot, he tucked his chin back to his chest and kept himself level. The high collar served to keep his face out of view, as he wasn't particularly keen to show the unwilling tear tracts that the sudden emotions had wrought. He would not break in such plain sight, anyways. At least when he was in the other's company, no matter how strongly he wanted to just curl himself back up against the King's breast bone.
He felt helpless and no matter how he tried, it would not abate again. This was not acceptable to him, Greymane was not equipped to deal with him in such a state and Khadgar had no real idea on what he'd do if he even tried anything more than allow him to hide. He folded his knees back to his chest and wondered if he should say something, even though for once words failed him.
Cruel irony, really. The words he loved so much meant nothing to him now, at least in the capacity he had been prone to use them. One more thing Jaina had said, his words were just another tool in the destruction of Gilneas and the death of many.
She would also need to be handled and as he snuck a glance up at Genn, he supposed he'd have to do it himself if Jaina were to continue to breathe unaided. Was Genn right that she had no right to say those things to him, anyways? He was inclined to believe she had every right, she had fought against this very thing after all. Though it was only one section of what probably remained of the Horde.
"I am not too hungry," Khadgar finally tried, knowing that his companion would undoubtedly glare at him. But this time, he was being honest. The twisting of his stomach threatened his hunger so thoroughly that he didn't even truly think he could handle any food right then. "Let it cool, I will pick at it when I am. I promise."
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Insasmuch as he wouldn't necessarily mind letting Khadgar rest burrowed against him, it wasn't really conductive toward the problems they were facing. Neither the personal ones they each were battling, nor the larger ones they'd left festering back on Azeroth.
Perhaps best if he tried coaxing the other man out of the walls he'd built up around him. The irony of that wasn't lost upon him. He who had thought walls would protect him and his lands, his people. Walls that had instead trapped them and in the end did nothing to save them from a truly persistent enemy.
He rose up from the cave floor to make his way to the fire, checking the bird. It was indeed done. Khadgar's words did earn something of a hard look, but he could see some small sense in them. If his eating habits here were as poor as he feared, it was possible the bird would be too rich for him to eat much of. Thus, he refrained from pressing the issue and set to finding a pair of stones he could rest the spit upon that would keep the bird up off the floor and allow it to cool. Perhaps he could go find something that would be easier than the meat on the other man's stomach.
"When was the last time you ate something...that wasn't magically created?" Hopefully, it'd help him figure out just how easy he'd need to go on the other man, and how long a road he'd have to travel to get Khadgar back to a more fit state. Though he suspected he'd manage to get Khadgar's body in fit shape long before he succeeded getting his mind there. He knew just how stubborn the archmage could be when he put his mind to it.
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"Two weeks ago at the most, I suppose," he murmured and moved a hand to lightly touch the ripped side of his robe. He had been caught off guard by something - what exactly was lost on him as he didn't truly keep his attention on anything beyond the herbs when he stepped out from the caves shelter. His hand gently brushed against the healing gouges hidden beneath the blue fabric. He hissed as he touched a more tender spot and removed his hand as fast as he could not to agitate it more.
He remembered having to dig through the pack he had brought for the good fabric bandages he had brought with him and wrapping his side as he cursed himself for not bringing more than a bit salve for keeping infection away. The brown sack had also held his mortar and pestle, papers, a pen and more surprisingly, rather luxurious soap and shampoo. There was also a cloth and a small towel he could use to dry himself off with, but the last time he used it... well, a week maybe? He didn't want to truly think about it.
"I do not need you to go looking for something else," Khadgar finally stated, voice surprisingly stern with only a slight shake to it. "You are not my nurse maid. I will be fine."
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He shifted his gaze away from Khadgar and let it take in the rest of the cave and the items within it before he moved at first back toward the archmage. Carefully, he let a clawed hand rest lightly over a leather clad shoulder as he spoke. "You're not my king to order me about either. Rest. Stay warm. I'll be back before the dawn."
He let the hand fall away and turned toward the cave entrance, plans already being turned over in his mind. He would leave his coat with Khadgar, hopefully it would help remind him if need be that he'd been there and would return to him later.
Once he was outside, he took a moment to orient himself before setting off at a lope through the area with the intent of heading toward the Stronghold he'd passed in getting here.
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Alone. Khadgar was finding that he hadn't wanted the return to being alone and he was sorely tempted to fly after him now that Atiesh was in his possession. He didn't, allowing the childish annoyance to build as the warm leather creaked and he melted against the wall of the cave in protest of the Worgen leaving.
He was alone again and he found himself angry at himself because he did not want to he alone -- and at Genn for doing it I'm the first place. Honestly, he would've preferred Genn to remain so he could curl against his side and soak the comfort that was a bit like forgiveness up like a sponge.
Maybe he was a little bitter over it and took the time to pout like a child for a short while. It was a rare thing, really, that he'd allow himself to be that childish. Though, Genn's departure had the Archmage aware of how much he needed a bath. So he decided to do that and then pick at the bird when he returned from the rinse.
Pushing himself off the ground, Khadgar moved to his bag and pulled out the luxurious soap and shampoo and the cloth. New bandages were set in the pocket of the large coat as was the other items and he wandered out to along to the edge of the river. He sheds the borrowed coat and then the ruined robe, finally naked after he takes the pants off.
Bathing always felt good to Khadgar and he found that he missed it, though the cold creek water left something to be desired. He could really do without that part. He took his time in washing his body, knowing Genn would be back before dawn and there really was no hurry at all. So he took the time to thoroughly wash himself, knowing the grime needed to be clawed off in some places and even gentle scrubbed at the lacerations. Flecks of dried blood dissolved in thr river water and he even cursed softly when he realized he pulled scabs off with a unintentionally harsh rub against the upper wound.
He allowed it to bleed, carefully washing the rest and making sure he wasn't getting anything infected. Well, it might be a little bit and snorted. He shoved it from his mind, rinsed his body and hair and put his pants and the borrowed coat on before returning to his cave.
Still empty, even though he knew it would be - a small part of him had hoped. He returned to his spot after grabbing the cooked bird to pick at and well... He was more hungry than expected. The moment the flesh hit his mouth he was ravenous, tearing into the foul to fill what felt like a suddenly gaping hole in his stomach. Faintly, he was glad Genn was not there to see that, if only because he was not particularly interested in the 'I told you so' that would come in some form.
Of course, the speed in which he devoured the cooked meat was only conductive to make his stomach hurt. He felt like he would expel the food, which just seemed counterproductive to the whole point of eating in the first place. He sighed, eyes closing and trying to rest himself.
It would serve Genn right if he were to return to Khadgar passed out anyways, so he at least decided to attempt to do such a thing.
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The reason why he thought might be due to the amount of worgen that passed through the place offering aid or merely resting on their way elsewhere. He managed to pull a couple of the helpful ones off to the side and once he'd made his needs known, including his need for secrecy, they were very useful in getting him the remaining items he wanted without having to spend more time traveling or seeking those items.
Thus it was with a full backpack and full satchel that be set back out in the direction of Khadgar's cave just shortly after dark had begun to settle in. Fortunately the change in lighting didn't impede him much. He still could see the way easily enough and given he'd made note of the smells around the cave, those told him before his sight did when he was coming into reach of it.
Entering it though made him pause as new smells came to him and it quietly noted that Khadgar must have bathed after he'd departed. Which was one less thing to do from his mental list. He also noted the lack of the bird and huffed softly in annoyance. While he hadn't smelled any evidence of vomit upon arrival, signalling it had come up the way it'd gone down; he doubt it had really done much good for the Archmage to have apparently stuff himself on it.
He moved to set first the satchel down and then slid the pack off so he could work at going through what they contained. Khadgar appeared to be resting, so he would allow him to continue resting for now as he worked.
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Moving was not something Khadgar wanted to do, even hours later. His stomach was still cramping and threatened to force the excess of food out through various heaves that would leave his whole body sore. In other words, he regretted not portion on himself on that chicken or even not eating it as fast as he did. Could've, would've, should've, but he didn't and he was starting to hate it.
When his furry companion returned just as dawn was coming, Khadgar felt the bitterness replace his misery and snuggled deeper into the stolen coat. It was warm and engulfed him in the fabric due to the large height difference between Genn and him at that moment. He was comfortable enough on thr ground, just hiding away in the coat and saw no reason to do more than subtly turn onto his side to watch what the king brought back.
The large metal tub had Khadgar raising a brow, quieting the urge to ask him why that was needed if there was a perfectly good source of water near by with the realization that the white wolf was a king and therefore spoiled. Another time he would've teased him over the distaste he had for how he found Khadgar, it would be good natured and fond, but right then and there? Being silent was better than the words out of frustration that erupted out of him.
There were other things he noted in the Worgen's hoard, food and the pack had the clear sign of pots and pans in it. The metal tub seemed to hold a blanket as well and Khadgar found himself actually appreciating that one thing over others he could pick out.
Finding his voice, Khadgar gave a low, weary sigh and began gently pushing himself up, "you are making it very hard to discern if you're taking me back to Azeroth or planning on living in this cave with me."
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"There is much to be done I believe before we even begin to think about returning to Azeroth."
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They were definitely to large, but he didn't say anything and only began shedding the jacket -- he shivered near violently at the sudden gust of air and pulled the warmed leather back around him to give the Worgen a considering look.
"I feel a little insulted you think I'm that large," he finally muttered and slowly got to his feet. He ignored how his stomach was revolting as he moved to peer down at the items Genn had procured and quickly snatched up a clean roll of bandages and and empty waterskin. His eyes roved over the other items unt he found both salve that would aid in healing his head wound and the large scratches along his side, as well as a clean cloth before he scuttled back out of the Worgen's way and grabbed Atiesh in the crook of his arm.
The perfect way for revenge hit him as he stared at the water skin and without any noise, the Archmage blinked outside and moved to sit next to the river so he could fill the waterskin and dampen the cloth to clean the wounds on his side more. He knew he could do it properly with the salve that was brought to him and get the beginning of the infection off of his wounds.
Perhaps it was petty that he hoped his sudden disappearance would cause Genn some mild discomfort, maybe a fraction of what the other had caused him when he clearly didn't understand that he had been asked to stay.
Belatedly, he began to wonder if he was just taking the rising anger he was feeling out on Greymane. Though, it was still in a more passive way than the other had done to him. He remembered thinking the Worgen would kill him, that he deserved it. Yet here he was, roughly scraping at his wounds that were not given to him by the wolf and being annoyed over something so trivial.
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Thus instead of allowing Khadgar's obvious little temper tantrum to interrupt him, he turned his attention to the cave itself and inasmuch as he could given his physical handicaps, set about to cleaning it out and making it more livable until proper accommodations could be arranged. If that meant that finding certain items would require questioning him, well, it was a petty form of revenge for the small amount of worry he'd been put through, but at least it was a harmless enough form of it.
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The moment Khadgar had finished tending to both the head wound and three large gouges across his side, he admittedly noted he had another burst of energy - despite wanting to throw up from over stuffing himself and a glide of his fingers over the bandages had the mage know that hunting would probably be the best course of action. Not only could he slowly dry the meat of whatever he caught.... the sinew could be made in sutures as well as a cured bone shaped right would do well as a needle.
Using Atiesh as leverage, Khadgar pushed himself from the ground, pocketed the salve and glanced towards where the best place to get the food would be. One bird had been enough, but for what he was thinking... well, the Blackwind Sabercat was an optimal choice and took to the air as a raven to go seek one out.
Khadgar would return hours later, smug as he floated three sabercat corpses into the cave and peered at the wolf expectantly. As if he expected to have the other be annoyed that he chose to do something on his own - perhaps worry him again.
"I need one of these for something else. But if you join me outside, you can help me prepare the other two for cooking. I am going to dry some of the meat, it should keep better than most other things as well as be a good substitute should I feel the need to snack on a pastry."
Look at the Guardian flaunting his ability to still take care of himself - at least when there was another around to make him petty enough to do it out of spite.